Choosing Life: How God’s Fatherly Love Healed My Brokenness

If you had asked me seven years ago what my future would look like, I wouldn’t have had an answer. The truth is, I didn’t think I would have one. I wasn’t choosing life—I was drowning in depression and anxiety, battling suicidal thoughts, and I fully believed my life would end before I reached 18.

Every night, I cried myself to sleep

Sometimes, I didn’t even know why—I just felt this unbearable weight pressing down on my chest. I would hold my breath to silence the sobs, afraid that my mom would hear.

Looking back, I often asked myself why I felt this way. I had a decent family and a decent life. Other people had it so much worse—some were physically abused, neglected, or abandoned. So why was I breaking down over something as “small” as an argument with my dad? I hated myself for it. I thought I was selfish for feeling this much pain.

I tried reaching out…

…but it was always an awkward topic among my school friends. I didn’t want to be a burden or ruin the mood when we hung out, so I kept everything bottled up inside. But a huge part of my struggle came from my relationship with my dad. He was physically there but emotionally absent. My parents often fought, and I always took my mom’s side. But my dad’s reactions, especially when I was emotionally vulnerable, frustrated me the most. He never knew how to comfort me, and when I saw my friends laughing with their dads, having deep conversations, or just being loved by them, I felt like I was missing something I could never get back.

And when my dad and I fought, it shattered me even more. Every argument, every harsh word, every reminder that I wasn’t enough for him cut deep. After a while, I started self-harming after those fights—not for attention, but because it was the only thing that calmed me down when I couldn’t stop crying. And when even that wasn’t enough, I started wondering if my life was worth living at all.

I convinced myself that nobody would grieve if I was gone, that it was probably for the better.

Choosing life wasn’t an obvious to me…

In the middle of all that darkness, one person never stopped pointing me back to God—my mom. She’s a godly woman, and even though she saw how much I was hurting, she never made me feel guilty for it. She never told me to “just get over it” or that I was being dramatic. Instead, she sat with me in my pain. She reminded me that even when my earthly father failed me, my Heavenly Father never would.

Another turning point came when I attended one of Pastor Elisha’s sessions, Father Heart of God. That was when I realised how blind I had been. God sacrificed His only Son for me, yet I was willing to throw my life away. It was a hard truth to grasp, but it made me think: If the Almighty God Himself decided that my life is precious, who am I to say otherwise?

Strength in knowing God chose me first

That question gave me the strength to pick myself up and move forward. My Heavenly Father was never absent—He was always there, waiting for me to turn to Him. He isn’t a father who walks away or ignores His children’s pain. He embraces us with open arms. That was where I finally found peace.

Read: Bible verses that bring hope in hard times.

I still remember the day everything changed. After another painful argument with my dad, I finally called out to God. And that was the day my self-harming stopped. God gave me the comfort I had been searching for—one that I no longer needed to seek in destructive ways.

The pain didn’t disappear overnight, but I didn’t have to carry it alone anymore. The anxiety that once made it hard to connect with others? God surrounded me with the right people at the right time—people who accepted me, flaws and all, and loved me through my healing. He showed me that I was precious to Him, and that truth changed my life.

Through it all, my mom remained my greatest encourager. She never scolded me for my bitterness, but instead urged me to pray for my dad. Not out of resentment, but in hope—hope that one day, he would encounter God, just as I had. That he would become the father God intended him to be. And I’m still praying for that.

But here’s what I know now: Even if my dad never changes, God already is the Father I need. He is the Father who never leaves, never fails, and never stops loving His children.

And because of Him, I am still here today.

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This story was submitted by a New Covenant Community member who has requested to remain anonymous.