Transformed Relationships: Strategies to Build Lasting Love

Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership can be a challenging endeavor. We often see couples face trials and tribulations that put their love to the test. But that isn’t the end just yet. There are strategies to help us weather through storms in our relationships. Yes, it’s going to be tough, but it’s well worth it. You can experience a successful and transformed relationship, despite what seems to be commonly portrayed in popular media. Here are a few things you might find helpful.

Create High-Quality Connections

One of the fundamental aspects of building transformed relationships is the quality of the connection you share with your partner. It’s not just about being physically present— it’s about truly listening, empathising with and understanding each other. Make an effort to communicate openly and honestly. We often have unspoken fears in our relationships that gnaw away the trust and security that once was there. Share your thoughts, dreams, and fears. Encourage your partner to do the same. This creates a deep bond built on trust and emotional vulnerability.

Here’s a tip: purposefully allocate time for what we may call “listening in grace.” In this space, deliberately strip away distractions, judgments, and even the potential triggers that often accompany our conversations. Listen to understand, and not to respond.

Additional tip: we explored the topic of “Fears that ruin relationships” in a series called TRANSFORMED. You can watch the full series here.

 

Practice Effective Communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. To enhance your communication skills:

1. Listen actively: When your partner speaks, give them your full attention. Show empathy and validate their feelings. Respond with understanding.

For instance, “I see why you feel that way about the situation., It must have been tough for you to experience these emotions.”

2. Avoid assumptions: Don’t assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. Ask questions and seek clarification when needed.

For instance, “Is this, [explain your interpretation of his/her sharing] what you’re trying to say? Please correct me if I am wrong.”

3. Manage conflict constructively: Disagreements are inevitable. Instead of escalating arguments or digging in your heels, work together to find solutions and compromises. The outcome is to arrive at a win-win situation, not win-lose.

For instance,  “I understand that I have contributed to making you feel as such and I am sorry. What is it that you would like me to do to best help you and us? On the other hand, from my perspective, this is what I’ve observed about the situation: [state your observations as objectively as humanly possible].”

Seeking Professional Guidance

I know, this sounds excessive, but seeking professional guidance for your relational health is not that different from seeking a doctor when you have the flu. The issue with this is probably because it More often than not, seeking professional help may make one seem like they are “weak”, or that their relationship is “failing”. May I help shift the perspective a little? Knowing that there is an existing problem, and having the desire to change the situation shows that you are saying no to helplessness. That’s strength. After all, as the saying goes, “No man is an island.” Our communities are here to strengthen, inspire, and propel us forward.

Seeking the help of a relationship counselor or therapist can be a transformative step. They are able to provide valuable insights, teach effective communication techniques, and help you navigate complex issues. In seeking their assistance, we embark on a journey of growth and healing, acknowledging that we don’t have to face life’s trials alone.

Transforming Through Self-Improvement

Transformed relationships often start from a place of personal growth, and this requires us to dig deep within to understand what is our contribution to the relationship, whether positive or negative. We all assume we are bringing a lot of value to our relationships, but could it be that we are the problem?

When we take steps to intentionally improve ourselves, it will positively impact our relationships.

Here’s a tip: self-reflection is a good starting point to self-improvement. Take some time now to reflect on your relationships. What are your actions, thoughts, and aspirations on the relationship?. What can you do today, this week, this month to add to your relationships? What are skills, habits, and values you need to develop to become a better friend, partner, and spouse?

When you’ve had a good time to reflect on those, it’s time to make a plan to improve. Of course, you can choose to do this alone, with your partner, or better still, a person you look up to and trust. The crucial thing is that you do something about it. People often say, “Knowledge is power”, but that’s just half of the equation. Knowledge applied is power.

Conclusion

Transformed relationships first and foremost require us to take ourselves off the pedestal. However, it isn’t “thinking less of myself”, but thinking of myself less. It is the conscious decision to put your partner’s needs above yours in many situations. It is choosing to put your pride aside, going from “What I deserve from this…” to “What am I bringing to the table?” After all, love, at its core, is best expressed in selflessness and servitude.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” — 1 Corinthians 13:4-8